I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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