the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
