the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
