Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
