I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
