So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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