I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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