My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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