I think I won the penis lottery.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize