Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
