you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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