If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize