you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
