I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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