I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She announced her abortion via fbk
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
