I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
