Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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