Barsexuality is the new black.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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