I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
