No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
