Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
