Sponge bath it is.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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