Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
