she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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