there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
