seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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