he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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