I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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