I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
