That's intense
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
