I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
