I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
why is half of my head shaved?
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