Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
