the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
