But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I would fuck him just for his dog
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
