I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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