so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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