Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
