I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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