Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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