I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
