we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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