I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
