What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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