sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
