Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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