I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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