i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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