Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
