Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
