so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
