it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
