We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
