Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.

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(806): View more from Texas

Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients

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(208): View more from Idaho

His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.

(1-208): View more from Idaho

HE'S 26!!!

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.

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(785): View more from Kansas

God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.

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(616): View more from Michigan

My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break

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(352): View more from Florida

Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night

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(402): View more from Nebraska

but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.

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(606): View more from Kentucky

You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"

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