how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
