Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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