The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
