I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
