God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
