the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
