my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
