My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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