Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize