So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
