I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
