I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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