Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
