is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
